How Retelling Our Stories Helps Us See Ourselves Differently →

- RSS

If It Really Was My Life Story, Why Does It Change Each Time I Tell It?

There is no one whose story I know more intimately than my own. The same is true for you. That may seem obvious, yet what continues to surprise me is how differently I see my story each time I tell it.

Details I once considered essential fade in importance, while other pieces—once minor—begin to feel more meaningful. Coincidences come into sharper focus, and my perspective shifts. Each retelling changes the story, and in doing so, changes me. We reshape who we are by revisiting and reinterpreting the same events.

Author Pat Conroy once said, “The most powerful words in the English language are ‘tell me a story.’” I’ve witnessed firsthand how telling one’s story can transform a person—not by altering the facts, but by reframing the meaning behind those facts.

For over 35 years, I participated in a monthly men’s group at my local church. Each meeting, one person would share their life story in a 45-minute window. Originally, the goal was simple: to help us get to know one another. Many men are slow to open up, and this format created space for appreciation and connection.

Over time, as members came and went, some of us repeated our stories. That’s when something interesting emerged: people began telling the same story differently. Not fabricated, just reframed. They had come to new conclusions, made fresh connections, or viewed the past with new eyes. The same events—now seasoned with reflection—carried a different weight.

I experienced it myself. Moments I once saw as setbacks I later understood as turning points. People I once considered minor characters in my life’s script turned out to be pivotal.

This realization echoes the message of the poem: people and events enter our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. But we often don’t know which until much later. In hindsight, we see the influence. We recognize that a relationship or encounter helped shape our path—even if we didn’t understand its impact at the time.

As our perspective evolves, so does our personal narrative. And as our story changes, so do we.

This story connects directly to a poem I’ve shared on my site—one that continues to resonate with readers and shape how I view the people who come and go in our lives.

If it really was my life story why does it change each time I tell it? →

- RSS

There is no one whose story I am as familiar with as my own. The same is true for you. This seems obvious, but what surprises me is how I see my story differently almost every time I tell it.

Connections that seemed important when I told my story seemed less critical over time. Coincidences and perspectives have become more apparent over time. When I see those changes, the story changes as I retell it, and I find that it changes me. I become different because of how I see the story differently. We continually create who we are but use the same events to shape our conclusions.

  Author Pat Conroy said: “The most powerful words

in the English language tell me a story.”

I have witnessed others change their conclusions about themselves using the same facts from participating in an event at my local church.

Over about 35 years, a men's group I participated in met once a month, and each time one person would take about 45 minutes and tell the group their life story. 

The initial purpose of doing this was to help us get to know each other. We believed that men didn't get bonded quickly and were usually shy in this setting.  So we felt it was essential to show appreciation and love for each other.

People moved in and away over this time, but somehow we could keep this going. After a few years, it led to recycling some of us by repeating our stories, and we would hear the life stories again. I have some memory issues, but I can usually remember the details of these stories clearly. What was interesting is that sometimes the events of a story heard before were viewed differently by the presenter when retold. I had occasions retelling my life experiences that I felt were important, and it was clear that the same events looked different in the retelling. There were times when I wondered if a person who seemed to see the same event differently when retold was doing so because, having told the story, he then found new connections to the events. I also wondered if the changes and different emphasis were on purpose, just reshaping an image.

People come and go in our lives, and it takes some time to see the reasons. When a new person comes, we take the influence and unique perspective for granted as coincidence. When we look back and see the full impact of the people and recent events in our lives, we see our own experiences differently, and as a result, the past looks different, and our common destiny feels changed by the events.