Positive Thinking May Depend on What Anchors Our Thinking

March 10, 2026 Brent Jones

Positive thinking is often described as a soft skill.
Like communication or emotional intelligence, it is assumed to be something we develop through practice and experience. Yet maintaining a positive outlook may depend on something deeper than a skill. It may depend on the beliefs that anchor the way we see other people.

Emotional intelligence is closely related. It involves recognizing our own emotions and understanding the feelings of those around us. Someone with emotional intelligence can read situations well and respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.

Positive thinking may depend less on effort and more on what anchors our thinking.

When we first encounter the phrase positive thinking, it often sounds like an attitude rather than a skill. A skill implies the ability to perform something well, usually through practice and improvement. Positive thinking, however, seems less like something we do and more like a way we see.

For this reason, positive thinking is often grouped among soft skills or people skills. It is assumed that those who maintain a positive outlook work better with others and handle challenges more effectively.

But there may be something deeper involved.

Simply deciding to “be positive” can feel artificial if the underlying assumptions about people remain unchanged. If our thinking about others is anchored primarily in whether they agree with us, share our beliefs, or validate our perspective, positivity becomes fragile. It lasts only as long as others meet those expectations.

A more durable form of positive thinking may come from a different anchor altogether.

If we hold a deeper conviction that there is something fundamentally worthwhile in every person—even when we disagree with them—our thinking changes. The need for others to share our views becomes less central. Appreciation can exist even in the presence of difference.

In that sense, positivity is not merely a skill or a personality trait. It is partly a reflection of what we believe about human nature itself.

When the anchor shifts, the behavior often follows.

Positive thinking then becomes less about forcing optimism and more about recognizing value that may not be immediately obvious.

In that sense, positive thinking may not be a skill we practice as much as a belief we hold. When the anchor changes, the way we see others often changes with it.

This idea—that the meaning we experience in life often grows out of the quiet ways we see people and everyday moments—also became one of the themes explored in my book What Matters: We Are the Sum of Small Moments.

Positivity, Balance, and the Space in Between

January 2, 2026 Brent Jones

Positivity is often treated as a direction, something we move toward by turning away from what’s difficult. We’re encouraged to focus on the good, to stay optimistic, to “keep things positive,” as if positivity exists on its own, separate from doubt, loss, or struggle.

But positivity doesn’t live in isolation.

The more I think about it, the more it seems that positivity requires balance—not as a limitation, but as a condition.

Infinity offers a useful metaphor. It feels limitless, expansive, without edges. Yet even infinity has direction. Positive and negative stretch endlessly in opposite ways, mirroring each other. When we consider both together, something subtle appears between them: not emptiness, but balance.

Zero isn’t nothing. It’s a meeting place.

In human terms, positivity works the same way. When positivity ignores difficulty, it risks becoming denial. When it refuses to acknowledge pain, it loses depth. And when it insists on brightness at all costs, it can unintentionally silence real experience.

True positivity isn’t the absence of hardship. It’s the ability to hold hope and realism at the same time.

Every “positive”—joy, growth, success—draws its meaning from the possibility of its opposite. Gratitude deepens when we’ve known loss. Peace feels more honest after turbulence. Growth rarely appears without struggle pushing against it.

This doesn’t mean we dwell on the negative. It means we understand its role.

Positivity isn’t about pretending the shadow isn’t there. It’s about knowing where the light comes from.

In that sense, positive thoughts aren’t fragile ideas we must protect from reality. They’re resilient perspectives shaped by it. They don’t cancel uncertainty, they coexist with it.

Perhaps positivity isn’t something we maintain through constant effort or discipline. Perhaps it’s something that emerges naturally when we allow balance to exist.

In daily life, this kind of balanced positivity shows up in small, ordinary ways. It’s the ability to acknowledge a hard day without letting it define the whole story. To hold disappointment without losing hope. To recognize progress even when the path feels uneven. Positivity, lived honestly, isn’t about forcing optimism—it’s about staying open to meaning as it moves, shifts, and quietly reappears in the middle of real experience.

Learning to live with tension rather than resolve it too quickly is part of the human side of growth—a theme I explore more fully in The Human Factor.

More about "the human factor"

Source: https://connectedeventsmatter.com/daily-co...

Infinity and Balance

October 11, 2025 Brent Jones

Infinity and Balance

Although infinity is limitless, it can still take on many forms. The positive and negative, each stretching endlessly in opposite directions, remind us that even in the boundless, there is symmetry.

When we consider both together, something subtle emerges. The point between them, zero, becomes more than a number. It is a balance. A meeting place between expansion and retreat, gain and loss, light and shadow.

Perhaps infinity isn’t only about vastness, but about relationship. Opposites define one another, and through their tension, equilibrium becomes possible.

Does All Positivity Require Balance?

Positivity without balance can become denial.

If we focus only on the light and refuse to see the shadow, we lose depth and empathy. True positivity isn’t the absence of hardship; it’s the ability to hold both hope and realism at once.

Every “positive”, joy, growth, success, draws its meaning from the possibility of its opposite. Gratitude is deeper when we’ve known loss. Peace feels truer after turbulence. Growth follows struggle.

So yes, positivity needs balance, not to limit it, but to ground it. Without contrast, even light loses its brilliance.

Source: https://connectedeventsmatter.com/daily-co...

Positive Thinking is a Soft Skill →

November 3, 2024 Brent Jones

Soft skills involve interacting with colleagues, solving problems, and managing work. In contrast, emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and be aware of one's and others' emotions.

When you first consider the term “positive thinking,” it seems to be an attitude rather than a skill. A skill is an ability to do something well, suggesting expertise is part of it. Soft skills combine personal and social skills, character traits, and attitudes.

Positive Thinking is usually listed as a Soft Skill or People Skill needed to work effectively with others and succeed in the workplace.

An employer would be wise to look for Positive Thinkers in the interview process and value that skill as very important because those people tend to concentrate on solving issues rather than creating or worrying about them. When they face stress, they are more likely to deal with it positively and effectively.

Positive Thinking comes naturally to some, but skills can be learned and polished. This positive process can start by learning to analyze your thoughts and then taking deliberate action to make those thoughts effective.

Concentrating and trying to improve things, working effectively with others: Employers will value that skill, and having a positive attitude will help you reach your career goals. Because people are only sometimes taught to be positive, exhibiting this quality may give you an edge over the competition.

Soft Skills Still Matter

They matter because they are relevant, transferable, and keep an individual highly employable. Employers want people who already have soft skills because your employer doesn't have to train you on them, and the truth is they won’t do that good of a job on it anyway.

Soft skills are, in many ways, more important than hard skills. These skills enable people to collaborate better on projects, brainstorm and negotiate, gather support, and encourage others to participate.

Some personality traits can simplify one's ability to learn soft skills. Extroverts, for example, find it easier to learn communication and leadership skills.

Introverts often have many people skills that come naturally to them. For example, they may be good listeners, empathetic, and able to read others. They may also be more open to listening, resulting in solid connections.

Social skills can be taught. It is never too soon to start showing kids how to get along with others. Social skills can help students set goals for themselves and build positive relationships with peers.

Add Passionate Positivity to Desires to Bring Success →

October 11, 2023 Brent Jones

If your goal is to improve, then adding more positivity to your goal can be achieved by:

"Be passionate about improving. Be passionate about helping others. Listen to your feelings”.

The Website “Brent M. Jones: Connected Events Matter” recently added these goals to the Home Page because they sum up the ideas of Personal Reinvention, Self-Improvement, and Finding Inspiration to become a better person.

Things change once you embrace your goals with passion. Goals change your direction, and that changes who you are. Even if you start late in life, the change in plans will give you a different perspective when you look back. You will be able to see what you have accomplished, enabling you to see yourself differently.

This thought from Brent M. Jones's book Finding the Best Version of Ourselves: The Interview of Self brings needed perspective to the improvement goal.

“First, You Are Human. We aren't broken any more than that. We are complete, intricate beings, each with our unique blend of strengths, vulnerabilities, and growth potential. Acknowledging that your journey will never be complete can free you from feeling overwhelmed with your perceived place in this world and the road ahead. This realization is a source of liberation, permitting you to embrace the continuous process of self-discovery and improvement without the weight of unrealistic expectations.”

This thought from the book Interviewing Yourself and Asking the Right Questions by Brent M. Jones also helps us see the starting point for personal change.

“If you want to change your life, start with your thoughts. It’s common to want to change but struggle to break out of familiar patterns leading to the same results.”

Passion is contagious and makes people want to say “yes” to us. It makes us want to say yes to ourselves. Passion is more than desire; often, desire alone is not enough. Desire is general, and part of our outlook may lack power. It's about wanting something more and better for ourselves and our family. Passion is specific and can be developed. It's exciting how we get that better focus on desire. It brings enthusiasm about what that more and better is. Passion and desire go hand in hand, especially as a motivation.

The old saying “Be careful what you wish for” is essential when adding passion to desires. The combination works even when your desires are harmful, so make sure your desires and goals lead to improvement. Passion is going to take you somewhere.

Knowledge Becomes Wisdom with Some Work. →

October 10, 2023 Brent Jones

**Quote about Knowledge and Wisdom by Brent M. Jones**

It is often assumed that knowledge is good and even the essence of wisdom. That is not the case. Whether the ability leads to good or evil depends on how it is used.

Lessons prepare us to understand how to use it either way. We must evaluate our experiences to determine how knowledge could have helped or hurt us.

Wisdom leads to being able to make sound judgments about a subject, while knowledge is simply knowing. Anyone can learn about a topic by reading, researching, and memorizing facts. It takes a healthy dose of perspective and the ability to come through experience to use knowledge correctly.

What happens to us when our music runs out? →

February 15, 2023 Brent Jones

What happens when our music runs out? Do musicians retire when that happens? Louis Armstrong said that musicians don't retire, they only stop when there is no more music left in them.

Music is a connection between our physical self and our very souls. We feel the music. It reflects our heart. Music with scriptures are hymns. We worship through hymns. The feelings of our heart are conveyed in verbal prayer. Our bodies and faces reflect the images of happiness and sadness, with music opening those feelings. Singing makes us better. Sometimes we sing for what we long for. We use music to help us get by without things wanted.

Louis Armstrong also said that “What we play is life”. What is that music that is our life? How did that music get to be inside us, the musician? Is it a song yearning for something, or is it a song celebrating something?

Did the music ever leave Louis Armstrong? Did it ever run out? He never retired, so that answers that, doesn’t it? What about us? What do we long for? What do we have a passion for? Love and kindness are passions that can focuses and drive us. We lose ourselves in those feelings. They fill our minds, and we have little place for worrying about ourselves.

In the play, Cats, the cats all audition for the opportunity to go back and have another life and tell us why in the song "Memory" telling us “They had the experience but missed the meaning”. They had lived once, their music had run out, and wanted another chance.

Is there any chance that Louis Armstrong would want to come back and have another life, feeling he had missed the meaning? Of course not. That one is so easy to answer. He knew his passion and told us that “what we play is our life”.

His playing moved us. We felt it. For him the music was Jazz. For us, what we play can be just whatever it is that we love. It can be anything we chose, but then we need to feel passionate about it. If your lucky enough to love knowledge and learning, then your indeed blessed. That, like the music for Louis, just never stops being an option.

If your passion is your family then be an example to them. Show your love and concern.

If your passion is for art, poetry, music, knowledge, reading, or nature then seek more.

Find the good in your life.

What about Louis? Do you think he had a perfect personal life? Do you think he spent his time worrying about missing the meaning in his life? He dropped out of school at 11 and had rough years ahead of him. His mother didn’t have an inspiring occupation. Later he said of himself, that he hardly looked back at his youth as the worst of times, but drew inspiration from those times instead. He said that "Every time I close my eyes blowing that trumpet of mine—I look right in the heart of good old New Orleans... It has given me something to live for.”

What we have a passion for matters. Yes. musicians don’t retire, as long as they have music in them. Find the music.

See the video

What A Wonderful World - The Beauty of the World is Still in Place →

May 27, 2022 Brent Jones

What A Wonderful World

Lyric’s by Louis Armstong

I see trees of green
Red roses too
I see them bloom
For me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

I see skies of blue
And clouds of white
The bright blessed day
The dark sacred night
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow
So pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces
Of people going by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying
"I love you"

I hear babies cry
I watch them grow
They'll learn much more
Than I'll never know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Yes, I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Oh yeah

Pasque flowers on spring field. Photo Pulsatilla grandis with nice bokeh.

Shot of a young woman bonding with her dog in the park

The beauty of the world is still in place. The seasons pass and then come again all bringing their own wonder. Grief comes but it also eventually goes and we continue to ‘wonder” at the majesty of the earth.

The Red Balloon tells us there are Good Times Ahead or maybe Monsters are Coming? →

November 26, 2021 Brent Jones

Balloons have been symbols of different styles, genres, and even eras. The image creates hope, imagination, and wonder. They are full of hope and joy and bring happiness and lighten sorrow. We feel a sense of freedom as we see them floating in the sky. Red balloons take positive suggestions and blend the various emotions associated with red. Anger, rage, vigor, aggression, courage, war, and strength all can add metaphor to the meaning. Red often adds passionate emotion.

If a clown holds a red balloon, we get the metaphors of the clown added and might think of Stephen King's movie "It.”

The movie’s red balloon is ominous and terrifying. Stephen King’s Pennywise in the film “It” uses red balloons to lure children to death.

Does this mean red balloons are good unless a clown is holding them?

Becoming our best self requires that we start early, but even starting late is important. →

October 31, 2021 Brent Jones

"Be passionate about improving. Be passionate about helping others. Listen to your feelings”. If these thoughts are your goals, you’re on the right track and going in the right direction. The Website “Brent M. Jones: Connected Events Matter” recently added these goals to the Home Page because they sum up the ideas of Personal Reinvention, Self Improvement, and Finding Inspiration to become a better person.

Things change once your embrace these thoughts as goals. Goals change your direction, and that changes who you are. Even if you start late in life, the change in plans will give you a different perspective when you look back, and you will see yourself differently.

Teaching young people to believe in themselves and see the good in things is essential. Success in life comes from understanding and practicing correct principles.

Was Ayn Rand right: Is self interest always rational? →

October 12, 2021 Brent Jones

Was Ayn Rand right Is self interst always rational.png

Recently, in a casual conversation, someone mentioned enjoying the books of Ayn Rand and quoted her statement:

“The rational pursuit of selfish gain on the part of each individual must give rise to the ideal form of society.”

This idea has strong appeal. It promises that if individuals simply pursue their own interests rationally, society as a whole will flourish. But the weakness in this claim lies in the word “rational.” What does it really mean?

Rand championed the pursuit of self-interest within a free market. In such a system, she believed success would naturally reward merit and effort. If some did not succeed, that was unfortunate — but presumably deserved. Yet this raises an important question: who determines what is deserved? Is market success always a reliable measure of rational effort or moral worth?

It is also questionable whether markets are ever truly “free.” Power accumulates. Successful individuals and corporations can shape the rules, limit competition, and block paths for others. Under such conditions, outcomes may reflect advantage as much as merit.

Rand famously wrote:

“The moral purpose of a man’s life is the achievement of his happiness.”

There is truth in the idea that individuals should pursue their own happiness and think for themselves. However, equating self-interest with selfishness creates a problem. When actions disregard the well-being of others and focus solely on personal gain or pleasure, they can undermine the very social and economic systems that make prosperity possible.

True rational self-interest requires foresight, cooperation, and respect for others’ rights. Without those elements, self-interest becomes narrow selfishness — and that is neither rational nor socially sustainable.

In this sense, Ayn Rand may be partly right: individuals should act rationally in pursuit of their own flourishing. But she is too optimistic in assuming that self-interest alone will reliably produce an ideal society.

Is Now Better Than Then? →

October 8, 2021 Brent Jones

Of course, if you do it now, it is done. If you do it then, you must wait. “Now” feels proactive, and a do-it-now attitude is generally seen as a positive trait.

But perhaps the deeper difference between “now” and “then” is not about urgency. Perhaps it is about awareness.

I used to want to be somebody.
Now I want to remember who I am.

I used to love positive thinking books.
Now I see how enjoyable people are when they are simply not harmful.

I used to wonder how I would ever pick one favorite color.
Now I see the sky, the mountains, and all that grows — and that is enough.

I used to look for who was right and wrong during elections.
Now I hope to see who is willing to ask what is right and wrong.

I used to think accomplishments were necessary to validate my efforts.
Now I hope those I care for will, through their actions, seek what is right and positive.

I used to hope for more blessings.
Now I cannot count all that I have had.

I used to try to say more when more needed to be said.
Now I hope I can say less.

I used to hope to know and learn more.
Now I hope to remember what I already know.

What else do we do know, now that were here? →

October 5, 2021 Brent Jones

eileen-pan-5d5DSRQ5dUc-unsplash - Copy.jpg

The good news is that perhaps because of the sign, you know you’re not lost. The even better news is that you know where you are because wherever you are, you can truthfully and confidently say that ”you are here.”

Even more important is that you are also reading this right now. Now is always the best time to focus your attention.

“Today is all you have. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just do the best you can right now.”

Maybe you are still there but only feel lost. What does feeling lost mean? It could mean that you are just unsure of yourself. The feelings could be confirmed physically, socially, or emotionally.

Feeling lost could be a good thing. You have realized that where you have been and what you have been doing is not what you want because you have started to change how you think- a sign of growth. Just permitting yourself to question what you want today can be good but also open you up to feeling lost with what you must leave behind.

“Today is all you have. Don't worry about tomorrow. Just do the best you can right now.”

For more about Now, see the post

Is Now better than then post

Fear itself is suffering but what you fear may never happen. →

September 15, 2021 Brent Jones

Sometimes, suffering fear is more challenging than facing trouble. This brings another quote to mind by Napoleon Bonaparte:

“He who fears being conquered is sure of defeat.”

As an example of fear compared to suffering, consider the person afraid of drowning. The person might have that fear come to mind whenever water is near. Perhaps just seeking a lake on TV or reading about people on a lake brings the fear of drowning to mind, and the person suffers that same fear. To drown in a lake would be terrible, but then it would be over and would end. The person who suffers from anxiety may never find an end to their torment.

Another example of where fear may be worse than the subject of fear happens to job seekers and those who need to change a career. They fear the informational interviews necessary to learn what is required, and they fear the hiring interviews and not being hired when they have a discussion. The fear prevents them from starting a process, and even when it is created, the anxiety can result in doing less than was needed.

Why positive and inspiring quotes often feature mountains? →

September 10, 2021 Brent Jones

Mountains have provided refuge to truth-seekers, hermits, and even ordinary men. Their beauty, mystery, and transcendence can help lift our lives above the grime and dirt associated with the plains below.

Climbing a mountain or a hill is an adventure everyone should experience. It also symbolizes the ups and downs of our life. It's a journey to the top, a race of motivation, patience, and strength. But ultimately, the best feeling is the part when you reach the top of a hill or a mountain.

Mountains remind us that the world is not entirely artificial, controlled, and predictable. They call to our attention that we must be strong and prepared. Mountains command humility with their vertical angles and beautiful faces.

Over every mountain, there is a path, although it may not be seen from the valley. - Theodore Roethke

Note: Mount Timpanogos is one of Utah’s most recognizable mountains and perhaps Utah’s most famous mountain hiking destination. At 11,749 feet, it is the second-highest summit of the Wasatch Mountains. It is one hr., 31 min (46.7 mi) via I-15 S and UT-92 E - South of Salt Lake City, Utah.

Is the song, "Blowin in the Wind", Literature, Poetry, a new Art Form, or just Lyrics →

August 15, 2021 Brent Jones

The Noble Prize for literature in 2016 was awarded to Bob Dylan for "having created new poetic expression within the great American song tradition.”

Is "Blowin’ in the Wind" literature?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxkd_l7VKwo

Harpers Magazine says that “literary means not only what is written but what is voiced, what is expressed, what is invented, in whatever form.” More restrictively, writing is considered an art form or any report deemed to have artistic or intellectual value, often due to deploying language in ways that differ from ordinary usage.

What do the words, Blowin’ in the Wind, mean? Bob Dylan said the answer is blowing in the wind because nobody knows the answer. Everybody tries to get it, but it slips away from our hold.

"Blowin in the Wind" by Bob Dylan

How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man?
How many seas must a white dove sail
Before she sleeps in the sand?
Yes, and how many times must the cannonballs fly
Before they're forever banned?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

Yes, and how many years must a mountain exist
Before it is washed to the sea?
And how many years can some people exist
Before they're allowed to be free?
Yes, and how many times can a man turn his head
And pretend that he just doesn't see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

Yes, and how many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
And how many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
Yes, and how many deaths will it take 'til he knows
That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind
The answer is blowin' in the wind

Is Bob Dylan's "Series of Dreams" Poetry?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AgqGUBP3Cx0

Choose Those You Associate With Wisely →

August 8, 2021 Brent Jones

If you want to go fast go alone. If you want to go far go together.png

Getting through life requires help. None of us travels very far alone. The challenge is choosing wisely who walks beside us.

An African proverb says, “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” There is wisdom in that. Long journeys require support, encouragement, and shared strength.

But there is another truth we must not ignore: the longer the journey, the more costly poor companionship becomes. Not everyone who walks with you is moving in the same direction. Some will slow you down. Others may quietly lead you off course.

We cannot control everyone we meet, but we can choose whose influence we allow to shape us.

Choose dependable, honest people you are proud to know. Seek out those whose values, goals, and motivations align with — or even elevate — your own. Surround yourself with people who challenge you to grow, not people who tempt you to settle.

Going far together is powerful. Just be careful who “together” includes.

Is it Good Enough, Excellent, Perfection or is it Pride? →

July 23, 2021 Brent Jones

When your contribution is "good enough," you can see that it is part of a larger goal and supports the plan and the others working for the same purpose.

When it is “excellent,” you recognize that it will be judged for what it is and any larger goal it might support.

When it is “perfect,” you likely have spent too much time on it and short-changed others working with you. The perfection of one contributor can reduce the impact of the others and may seem like an overreach. Some of the others who supported the same effort may have had to wait for your excellent work to be completed flawlessly.

“Perfection is the enemy of progress”
- Winston Churchill

Why would that be the case? One reason would be the fear of failure that comes with a goal of perfection. Obsession with perfection is likely motivated, at least in part, if not totally, by pride.

“Too often, people mistake progress for perfection.
They spend more time staring at the weeds than assessing the forest. They need to catch up on the details instead of asking whether their work is moving them in the right direction. And most of all, they are confused about the meaning of “done.” (quote from Forbes 2017 Why Perfection Is The Enemy Of Done)

C.S. Lewis said, "Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man.”

Why do we strive to EXCEL? Is it for our "self-image"- Pride, or is it to give thanks for our abilities and to help others through our contribution to a goal?

Does the comparison or your results make you proud? Is it the pleasure of being above the rest? Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.” If you continually tackle each project with the goal of perfection and can not stop until you have achieved it, you may often miss the point of the project and your role in it.

If a project points to you and your part in what it is, then you may rightfully feel perfection is needed. That would be something to be very proud of, wouldn't it? If the project points to the efforts of many, then your results should lift everyone rather than diminish their contribution.

Quotes: C.S. Lewis Link to Forbes Magazine, “Why perfection is the enemy of done.”

Why telling your personal life story is effective self reflection

May 10, 2021 Brent Jones

Even this Goldfish is seeking Self-Improvement (1).png

There is no one whose story I am as familiar with as much as my own and the same is true for you. This seems so obvious, but then what surprises me a little is how I see my own story differently almost every time I tell it.

“The most powerful words in the English language are tell me a story.” -Pat Conroy

Connections that seemed so important the first time that I told my own story seemed less important over time. Coincidences and perspective have become clearer over time. When I see those changes the story changes as I retell it and I find that it changes me. I become different because of how I see the story differently. It seems like we continually create who we are but use the same events to shape our own conclusions.

Victor Yocco, in his article Dwelling On The Past: The Importance Of Self Reflection, said `personal reflection enables us to process and make meaning of our experiences. Everyone stands to gain from engaging in some type of reflection.

I have witnessed how other people seem to change their own conclusions about themselves using the same facts from participating in an event at my local church.

Over a period of about 35 years a men's group I participated in met once a month and each time one person would take about 45 minutes and tell the group their life story.

The initial purpose in doing this was to help us get to know each other. We believed that men didn't bond all that easy and they normally were a little shy in a setting like this. We felt it was important to gain an appreciation and even a love for each other.

People moved in and moved away over this time but somehow we were able to keep this going. After a few years it lead to recycling some of us by repeating our story and we would hear the life stories again. I do have some memory issues, but I usually can remember the details of these type of stories clearly. What was interesting is that sometimes the events of a story heard before clearly was viewed differently by the presenter when re told. I had my own occasions of retelling my life experiences that I felt important and it was clear to me that the same events looked different in retelling. There were times when I wondered if a person who seemed to see the same event differently when retold, was doing so because having told the story he then found different new connections to the events. I also wondered if the changes and different emphasis was on purpose just reshaping an image?

People do come and go in our lives and it takes some time to see reasons. When a new person comes we take the influence and new perspective for granted as coincidence. When we look back and see the full impact of the people and new events in our lives we see our own experiences differently and as a result the past looks different and our expected destiny feels changed by the events.

Julie Beck, Senior Editor at the Atlantic wrote a story for the Atlantic in 2016 titled “Coincidences and the Meaning of Life“. A quote used in the article, “A coincidence is in the eye of the beholder.” Her article studies the impact of coincidence suggesting such things as Carl Jung’s theory of “synchronicity”* as potential reasons for these event in our life but it seems clear that when we consider our own life stories that our own experiences and even those coincidences that caused us to consider a different viewpoint do change us and we became a new persons reinvented by our own introspection.

Links to Julie Beck, Senior Editor at the Atlantic wrote a story for the Atlantic in 2016 titled “Coincidences and the Meaning of Life“.
Link to Victor Yocco’s article, Dwelling On The Past: The Importance Of Self Reflection, in Smashing Magazine 2018

Synchronicity is a concept first introduced by analytical psychologist Carl G. Jung "to describe circumstances that appear meaningfully related yet lack a causal connection."