We tell the story of who we are by arranging the events of our lives into a narrative. The Atlantic once described this idea simply: how you shape the plot points of your life becomes a part of your identity. It is a fundamental part of being human.
Monisha Pasupathi, a developmental psychologist at the University of Utah, put it this way. To have relationships, we have to tell pieces of our story. Every introduction is a story we choose. Where we are from. Where we grew up. The paths that brought us to this moment.
Life stories show up in small places.
I once watched a salesperson greet people at the entrance of a store in a local mall. One woman smiled back, and they walked in together. The salesperson asked where she was from. The woman mentioned a town in California, and immediately they recognized streets and places they had both known. Their conversation deepened. They relaxed. A simple exchange of story created connection.
We see our lives as a series of events. We link those events together, and the story that emerges becomes part of our self-identity. But the story is not fixed. It changes every time we tell it.
For more than twenty years, I shared my life story with a group of men at church. I told it at least twenty times. It was never exactly the same. I added details, left out others, or shifted the meaning of certain moments. Each retelling reflected where I was in life at that time. New experiences changed how I understood the old ones.
I have watched the same thing happen with others. I heard dozens of men tell their stories, and then tell them again years later. The emphasis changed. Their conclusions changed. The way they understood their past changed. Their story grew as they grew.
Life stories are like books. They have characters, themes, turning points, and chapters. We choose what matters and what belongs in the narrative. Over time we shape and reshape these pieces, and the story becomes part of how we understand ourselves.
People play roles in our story too. Some stay for a season. Some for a lifetime. Some appear only briefly but leave an influence that lasts. As we age, the importance of certain people shifts. We see them differently when we look back through the lens of memory.
Books, art, music, heritage, and even the places we lived can become woven into our personal story. They stay with us and help us understand the world and our place in it.
There is an old saying that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. Whether we see this through faith, chance, or circumstance, the idea remains the same. We are shaped by the people and events we encounter.
I believe we have choice in how we put the pieces together. We can decide how to interpret our experiences and what meaning to take from them. We can revisit old moments and see them with new clarity. A better perspective can change the story, and by changing the story, we change ourselves.
Some people argue for a deterministic view of identity. They say we are the product of our genes, our parents, and the circumstances we did not choose. But this view does not tell the whole story.
All you need to do is tell your story today, then tell it again a year from now. You will see it differently. You will understand it differently. And that difference is the proof that we continue to change.
Who we are is not fixed. It is a story we keep rewriting as we grow.
