Don’t Search for Happiness, Search for Connections →

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The problem with searching for happiness is that it is hard to define and is a little different for each person searching for it. Our life journey is unique and turns out to mostly be a reflection of our goals. There are a lot of possibilities to find goals that will lead to happiness happiness, but the problem is that happiness itself is only a goal.

Albert Camus said: “You will never be happy if you continue to search for what happiness consists of.

You will never live if you are looking for the meaning of life.” The quote by Camus points out that searching for what happiness consists of does not work. The problem is that what it consists of is different for each person and, to make it more challenging, it is not something that is constant even for the individual who is searching. Emotions can change what was thought to be the definition of happiness in an instant.

The feeling of happiness is abstract yet real. Happiness is defined by Google as “the state of being happy”. Even google can not offer an exact definition but suggests that the answer is the “state"of being happy.
I once heard a social worker say that people would be happier if they “thought less and acted more”. This thought suggests that more meaning is found in what we do than what we think about. Searching for abstract or highly individualized concepts is going to involve a lot of thought and little actual “doing”.

Why is it that people do seem to be happier when they are busy? Well the simple answer is they are not lost in their own thinking and rethinking. A better answer is that everything we do brings new connections, we meet new people, see new places and have new experience. Each of these interactions, if they match up our own self identity and core values, form connections. Our values give us our purpose but if we have no one to share them with the purpose is meaningless.

Humans crave connections and studies have shown that it is key to our well-being and even happiness. A lack of connection leads to a feeling of isolation which is harmful not just to our health but to our happiness. This also explains why searching for happiness just does not work. The effort requires a lot of thinking and we spin our wheels rather than making new connections.

When you consider the idea of thinking less and acting more an important question would be what about listening? Is listening part of thinking or part of acting and doing? The good news is that it is part of both. Listening brings facts and focus to your thinking that still can be measured against your values but what you learn from listening is new facts and perceptions. Searching for an abstract concept with only you own thoughts to determine your conclusions can just take you in circles which of course makes you unhappy.

Listening is also part of acting and doing because it becomes part of the direction for your actions. If you are to make new connections, then listening will be critical. If new connections are measured against your own values that can happen but listening is a must.

The advice to think less and act more is a good start but listening more and seeking new connections might be a better goal.