Brent M. Jones - Connected Events Matter

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First Seek to Understand Why a Person Thinks Differently by Asking this Question

Often, you are being asked to accept a viewpoint that is radically different from your own. Black is black, and white is white, but figuratively, someone will always say black is white. Why is that? Perhaps when people say things are "not always black and white," they mean that you don't know the whole situation.?

The first step when confronted with this can help make those encounters easier. Actively engage in the conversation by asking the other person what leads them to those conclusions. So why do they believe that? Try to ask in a way that shows you want to know.

You don’t have to tell them you will give up your point of view to try this approach to change your point of view, but you do need to be willing to listen and attempt to understand the other person’s reasons for their point of view.

In the book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Dr. Stephen Covey presented this message in Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood, adding that people form opinions based on their experiences. Through those experiences, you want to understand the other person’s point of view.

To seek to understand, you cannot have already judged a person or situation. Instead, you need to develop a deep sense of empathy, a desire to understand and to see things from others' points of view, to see their reasons, and feel what they feel. This empathy is a powerful tool for improving communication and fostering understanding.